THE MINI SKIRT

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step.  So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step.  So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.  Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him  "How dare you touch my body!!  I don't even know who in the Hell you are!! "

At this the Texan drawled,  " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends." 

TEXAS BABY

  A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone.  He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

  Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks.  My boy's a typical Texas baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.  The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?  Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.  We were gonna call you.  So... How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "17 pounds."  The bartender is puzzled, and concerned.  "What happened?  He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

  The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

DAMN YANKEE BITCH

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all from?"

The New York girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."  The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE IN TEXAS

Drinkin the last beer

Stealin the truck

Turning yer dawg against ya

Smokin the last cig

Throwing out your favorite pair of boots

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS WOMEN!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Indiana . He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

©2006 Beer Bytch Biz