Bo Whaley's Redneck Humor

The redneck is a mysterious character who drives a four-wheel-drive pickup with oversize tires on the first floor and a cab perched on the eighth. He chaws tobacco, eats grits, hunts possum, uses toothpicks by the box, has more cars in his front yard than in his driveway, and wouldn't marry any closer kin than a second cousin once removed.

The female of the species is a fun-lovin ol' gal who doesn't want nobody to mess with her pool stick, her beer, her young'uns, or her man. She smokes Salem Light 100s, drives an El Camino (probably with a busted out water pump), can tell you the name of each & every song on the juke box, and every type of truck. She wears skintight jeans, and swims in the creek nekkid.

Ya Might Be From A Small Town If...

• You can name everyone you graduated with.
• You know what 4-H is.
• You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
• You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
• You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust ya and which ones wouldn't --- same goes with the game warden.
• You ever went cow-tippin or snipe hunting.
• School gets canceled for state sporting events.
• It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
• You had senior skip day.
• You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.
• Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
• The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
• Gettin paid minimum wage is considered a "raise."
• Ya bragged to your friends because ya got pipes on your truck fer yer birthday.
• Anyone you want can be found at either the local Dairy Queen or the feedstore.
• You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
• Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
• Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
• Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
• Weekend excitement involves a trip to the local Wal-Mart.
• Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.
• You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
• Your teachers always call you by your older siblings names.
• Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
• You can charge at all the local stores.
• It's normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
• You can drive golf carts, 4 wheelers, and go carts in town.
• When someone gets pulled over the whole town drives by at least twice.
• Everyone else hears it on their scanners.
• You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties.
• Almost everyone in your school also has a cousin in your school.
• Your only newspaper was a weekly.
• It doesn't take much to amuse you.
• Your first smoke was straw out in the barn.
• Your summer swimming was often done in a pond or a gravel pit.
• You never waited long at stop lights, but regularly waited 15 minutes at the railroad crossings.

Ya Might Be a Redneck!

• Ya know yer a redneck if yer hat weighs more than ya cuz of all the fishin equipment ya keep on it.
• Ya know yer a redneck if the only two words ya learned in school were moonshine and beer.
• Ya know yer a redneck if you have the local bait shop on speed dial on yer phone.
• Ya know yer a redenck if your motto is "Eat, Drink, Fish, and Sleep."