• The mouse is referred to as a "critter."
• The keyboard is camouflaged.
• NRA mousepad on desk, next to the Bible.
• Thar's a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
• Thar's a gunrack mounted on the CPU.
• The password is "bubba."
• The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
• Winders 95 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
• Outgoing faxes have beer or tobacco stains on 'em
• The printer goes real slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
• The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in 'em.
• The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, Rolling Rock, and Old Milwaukee options.
• Jeff Foxworthy *.wav files on the computer.
• The monitor is up on blocks.
• Seven blue tick hounds under the desk at yer feet, next to the moonshine still.
• Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
• The screen saver's got pitchers of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing in the background.
• The desktop wallpaper's a pitcher of Daisy Duke.
• The six front keys have rotted out.
• The keyboard smells like beer.
• John Deer Pocket Protectors.
• Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

Jaw-Jah Edition of Winders 98

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Jaw-Juh edition of Windows 98 (Win98-A) may have accidentally been shipped outside Jaw-Juh. If you have one of the Jaw-Juh editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Jaw-Juh edition may recognized by lookin at the openin screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background pitcher of a cotton-covered field.

Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Were Located In Georgia!

• Their No. 1 product would be "Micr'sawft Winders." It comes with a background pitcher of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.
• Instead of an hourglass icon you'd git an empty beer bottle.
• Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.
• Instead of asking "Where do you want to go today?" it's more like "Hey mister, can I ketch a ride in the back?"
• Instead of "Ta-Dah!", the default opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos."
• The "Recycle Bin" in Micr'sawft Winders95 would be an outhouse, and labelled as such.
• "My Computer" is called "This Infernal Contraption", "Dialup Networking" is called "Good Ol' Boys", "Control Panel" is known as the "Dern Dashboard", "Hard Drive" is referred to as "4-wheel drive", and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
• Includes free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
• Instead of "Start Me Up," the Micr'sawft Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie."
• Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt."
• Instead of "VP", Micr'sawft big shots would be called "Cuz."
• Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am, or old Dodge truck parts.
• Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
• Four words, Daisy Duke screen saver!!
• "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..."
• Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
• Micr'sawft CEO "Billy-Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.
• "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template.
• One wrong turn while surfing the web would send ya face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun.
• Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory dead cars in your front yard, or how many cats reside in yer barn and house.
• "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson" screen saver.
• Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road a block or so, and turn off the paved road."
• Micr'sawft Winders 98 dont recognize them fancy capital letters or punctuation marks.
• Micr'sawft Werd includes a phonetic spell checker-"Hookt on fonics werkt fir me."
• Micr'sawft Word would be just that: one word
• Micr'sawft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse.
• Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling Feebird!
• New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?
• Not "config.sys" and "autoexec.bat" - but "conjugate w/sis" and "autoparts.bunch."
• Instead of "MS virus scan" it would be "MS Cooties (Lice) Rinse"
• Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give ya the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git".
• Instead of error tones misstruck keys would be met with sound of "Aww Shee-it"
• Solitare would offer choice of "number of players."
• Instead of computer golf, the games of choice would be: 1. Interactive WWF Rasslin' (That's wrestling for you culturally deprived types) 2. Beer bottle toss at roadsigns or shootin at roadsigns 3. Mud Boggin' 4. 'Chaw Bacca spittin' at insects 5. Bass fishin' Tournament games and deer huntin

NEW dialog boxes & commands in Micr'sawft Winders95

• OK = ats aww-right
• cancel = hail no
• reset = aww shoot
• yes = shore
• no = Naaaa
• find = hunt-fer it
• go to = over yonder
• back = back yonder
• help = hep me out here
• stop = ternit off
• start = crank it up
• settings = sittins
• programs = stuff at does stuff
• documents = stuff I done done