
How To Pick Up Redneck Dates.
- Look for the girl or guy with the chewin tobacco in her mouth.
- Look for the person who pulls up with a truck that is taller than some of the 18
wheelers in the parking lot.
- Bring ditchweed instead of flowers when you go to your dates house.

Martha Stewart's Redneck Etiquette Tips for All
Occasions.
DININ' OUT
- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to
"bruise" the fruit of the vine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the
label.
ENTERTAININ' IN YER HOME
- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private
using one's OWN truck keys.
- Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live
alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a
woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
- Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's high time to change them sheets.
- Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small
tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to
keep a bucket of water handy when using this here method.
DATIN' (Outside the Family Tree)
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
- Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with
you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM;
Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,it is the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has
ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they cain't hear
you.
WEDDINS
- Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a weddin gift.
- Kissin the bride for more than 5 seconds may git ya shot.
- For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean
bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
- Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this very special
occasion.
DRIVIN' ETIQUETTE
- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is
in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the
right of way.
- Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring
back beer.
- Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
- Do not remove the seats from the car so that all yer kids kin fit in.
GENERAL ALL-ROUND POLITENESS
- Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car after a night
of heavy drankin.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- Even if you're certain that you are included in a will, it's considered tacky to
drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
- The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people
are around.
- Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.

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