| Ya might be in a Texas Country Church if...
- The doors aint never locked.
- The Call to Worship is "Y'all C'mon in!"
- People grumble about Noah lettin coyotes on the Ark.
- The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offerin."
And
five guys stand up.
- The restrooms are outside.
- Openin' day of deer huntin' season is recognized as an official church holiday.
- A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't ever
been in a hole it couldn't git me out of."
- In the annual stewardship drive thar's at least one pledge of "two calves."
- NEVER
in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat
or vegetables.
- When it rains, everybody's smiling.
- Prayers regardin the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
- A singin group is known as the "OK Chorale."
- The church directory doesn't have last names.
- The pastor wears boots.
- Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
- The only time people lock their cars in the parkin' lot is durin the summer, and then
only so their neighbors cain't leave them a bag of squash.
- There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
- Baptism is referred to as "branding."
- There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
- Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
- Ya miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen
calls inquiring about your health.
- High notes on the organ sets dawgs in the parkin lot to howlin.
- People always wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 folks whether the two fish were bass or
catfish.
- People think "Rapture" is what happens when you lift somethin too heavy.
- The cemetery is in such barren ground that folks are buried with a sack of fertilizer to
help 'em rise on Judgment Day.
- It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
- For the Mother's Day blessing, the preacher asks all the mothers to stand
for a special blessing, and you grab your brother's ear and make him stand
up too!
- The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear?"
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Some
people in Texas were having trouble with all those shalls and shall nots in the
10 Commandments. Folks there just aren't used to talking in those terms. So,
some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King
James" into the "King Ranch" language:
The
Cowboy's Ten Commandments are posted on the wall at Cross Trails
Church in Fairlie, TX.
(1)
Just one God.
(2)
Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3)
No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4)
Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5)
Put nothin' before God.
(6)
No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7)
No killin'.
(8)
Watch yer mouth.
(9)
Don't take what ain't yers.
(10)
Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Texas Church
A Texas man went to the
Catholic church and asked to join.
The priest said "OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first."
The question is, "Where was Jesus born?"
The man thought a minute and said, "Longview."
The priest said, "Sorry, you can't join our church."
So, he went down the road to a
Methodist church and asked to join.
The preacher said, "We'd love to have you but you have to pass a Bible
test
first.
Where was Jesus born?"
The man said quickly, "Tyler"
The preacher said, "No way can you join our church."
Sooo... he goes to the Baptist church and asked if he could join.
The preacher said, "That's great, we welcome you."
The man said, "I don't have to pass a Bible test first?"
The preacher said, "No."
The man said, "Can I ask you a question then? Where was Jesus born?"
The preacher said, "Palestine."
The man mumbled to himself, "I knew it was somewhere in East Texas!"
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