APLAKASHUN TO BE A RED-NEK

Name:_____________________________

Nickname: ________________________________

CB Handle: ______________________________

Spouse's Name: __________________________

2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________

Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Address (RFD No.)_____________--_________________________

Daddy's Name (if unknown, please list 3 possible suspects):____________________________________

Mamma's Name: ___________________________________

Are you married to any of the following? Sister[] Cousin[] Brother[]Sow[] Aunt[] Uncle[] Mother[]

Father[] Son[] Daughter[] Grandma[] Grandpa[] Pet[]

Do you know his/her/its name? Y or N (circle one)

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?(circle one) Y or N

Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there

Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that?

Number of Dependants: ____Legal_______ Claimed________

Number of Weeks Unemployed :__________

Number of Welfare Checks Received: _________

Name of son(s): Billy-Jack[] Bobby-Lee[] Bob-Bob[] Bubba-Ray[] Billy-Ray [] Billy-Joe[] Billy-Bob[] Bubba[] Jim Bob[] LeeRoy[] J.D.[]

Name of Daughter(s):

PammySue[] Violet[] Paulette[] Daisy[] Bobby-Sue[] Bobby-Jo[] Beth Ann[] Sue-Ellen[] Bobby-Ann[] Billie Jo[] Billy-Mae[] Bobby-Lee[] Bobby-Ellen[] Lee-Ann []

What does everyone call you? (_)Booger (_) Bubba (_) Junior (_) Sissy (_) Tiny (_)Killer (_) Other___________________

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time? Yes[] No []

Number of Times You Have Survived a Tornado: ___

Your Occupation:

[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_]Gun Show Dealer [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Preacher [_] Un-employed [_] Bait & Tackle Shop Owner [_] Dirty Politician

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? Y or N (circle one)

If you answered YES, please explain below why in the HELL for?
_______________________________________________________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) How many times did you repeat each grade?___________

Can you count past 10 with your shoes on? Y[] N []

To 21 with your fly Up? Y [] N []

Math Test: How Many Food Stamps Do the Following Cost? ___Six Pack ___Cigs ___Shotgun Shells ___Cheap Whore

Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters? ________________

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know [_] Road? [_] don't care [_]None of yer damn bizness!

Name of Pickup owned:________________________ Height of Truck________________

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 19_

Truck is equipped with the following: (Check all that apply)

Beer Cans [] Gun Rack [] 4-Wheel Drive [] Confederate Flag [] Naked Woman Mudflaps[] Roll Bar []
Cassette Deck[] 8-track [] Truck Load of Wood[] Hijacker Shocks[] Radar Detector[] Air Horns[] Big 'Ol Hound Dog [] Mag Wheels[] Dual CB Antennas[] C.B. Radio [] Spittoon[] Camper Top[] Bull Horns [] Fuzzy dice [] Squirrel Tail [] Raccoon Tail [] Yosemite Sam Mud flaps []

Vehicles you own and where you keep them: ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard

Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red? Yes ___No___

Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________

BUMPER STICKERS:

Eat More Possum! _____My other car is a piece of shit too! _____Honk if you're horny! _____
If you ain't a cowboy you ain't shit. _____ Redman Chewing Tobacco_____ Gun control is a steady hand. ___

Which is Correct: ___"I Seed Him" or ___"I Seen Him"

Define the following, Y'all must be 90% correct, and Southerners have a 10 point advantage:

1. Grits _______ 

2. Sawmill Gravy ________ 

3. Cobbler ________________

4. Tater ______________

5. Goobers ___________
6. Turnip Salad ____________ 

7. Fatback _________________ 

8. Pig Skins __________________ 

9. Pinto Beans ____________
10. Shit-on-a-Shingle _____________

11. Tote ______________________
12. Okrie ____________________

13. Collards ______________
14. Redeye Gravy ______________

15. Chickin' Fry _________________
16. Shonuf ______________

17. Sidemeat ________________
18. Soppin' Syrup _______________

19. Poke ________________________
20. Chitlins __________________

Favorite Vocalist:

George Strait[] Conway Twitty[] Loretta Lynn[] Hank Williams Jr.[] Hank Sr. [] Randy Travis[] Ray Wylie Hubbard[] Tammy Wynette[] Slim Whitman[] Porter Waggoner[] Willie Nelson[] George Jones[]
Box Car Willie[] Roger Miller[] Crystal Gayle[] Alabama[] Keith Whitley[] Bob Wills & the Texas Playboys []Elvis[] other ________________________________________________

Favorite Recreation:

Square Dancin'[] Possum Huntin'[] Skinny Dippin'[] CrawDaddin'[] Watchin Wrasslin'[] Gospel Singin'[] 4-Wheelin'[] Drankin'[] Spittin' Backy [] Cow Chip Throwin' [] Honky Tonkin' [] Huntin' [] Fishin' [] Boatin'[] Coon Huntin'[] Fuedin'[] Scratchin'[] Quiltin'[] Spotlightin'[] Wrasslin []Other[]

Weapons owned:

Deer Rifle[] Sawed-off Shotgun[] Varmit Rifle[] Tire Iron[] Power Chain Saw[] Pick Handle[] Hick'ry Switch[] Slingshot[] Tater gun[] Cross Bow[] Beer Bottle[]

Where do you keep your Firearms? Check all that apply: Truck[] Kitchen[] Bedroom[] Bathroom[] Shed[] Other[]

Number of Dogs owned :_____

Type (check all that apply): Blue Tick[] Beagle[] Bird Dawg[] Retriever[] Other []

Cap Emblem:Teamsters Local [] John Deer[] Budweiser[] Jack Daniels[] Red Man[] CAT[] Skoal[] Coors[] NRA[] Smile If You're Not Wearing Underwear []

Number of Homemade Tattoos:___ Number of Professionally Done Tattoos:___

Memberships (Check all that apply):

KKK[] NRA[] UAW[] Moose Lodge[] Elk Lodge[] PTL Club[] AA[] Bassmasters Club[] VFW[] Quiltin' Bee[] American Legion[] Local Teamsters[] United Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy[]

Favorite Brand of Smokes?______________

How Many Cartons of Cigarettes Do You Smoke a Day?__________ 

Favorite Brand Beer: _________________________

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal [_] Copenhagen

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe [_] The Star [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest [_] The Sun [_] Gun Collector's Weekly [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Field & Stream [_] World Weekly News

How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch?__________

Which of the Following Appliances are in your Front Yard Currently?: []Fridge []Heatin Stove []Warsher []TV []Freezer

How Many of the Above Appliances Still Work? ___

Which Stinks Worse? [] Hogpen [] Outhouse [] Spouse

Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?________

Do you own any shoes? []Yes []No If yes, how many?_________

What year did you last purchase shoes?_________

Neck Shade: Light Red[] Medium Red[] Dark Red[]

Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_______ Lower________

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Color of hair: (_) Blond (_) Black (_) Red (_) Brown (_) White (_) Gray (_) Clairol

Length of Right Leg:__________

Length of Left Leg:___________

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? _______________

Medical Information:

Do you have at least two of the following conditions:

BO[] Crabs[] Head Lice[] Dandruff[] Rabies[] Trench Mouth[] Runny Nose[] Bad Breath[] Chafing[] Boils[] Fleas[] Bug Bites[] Chiggers[] Heat Rash[] Blisters[] Hemorrhoids[] STD[]

IF YER APLAKASHUN  IS TURNED DOWN, YA MAY STILL QUALIFY TO ATTEND AUBURN UNIVERSITY.  THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER.