Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off, and also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they May be connected to the ass that I might have to kiss tomorrow.

-Author Unknown-

Deep Thoughts about Work...

• DOPELAR EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

• INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late for work.

• Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

• Do I look like a freakin' people person?

• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

• "Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est" - Never let the bastards grind you down!

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

• A clean desk is also a sign of a SICK mind!

• The trouble with work is... it's so daily!

• I'm not messy, I'm differently organized!

• This isn't an office -- It's HELL with fluorescent lighting!

• No one is listening until you make a mistake.

• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

• If you can smile when things go wrong, then you have someone in mind to blame.

• I work 40 hours a week to be THIS poor?!

• And just how may I screw you over today?

• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

• I thought I wanted a career, it turns out I just wanted paychecks.

• Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

• Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Signs You're Burned Out Because Of Work

• You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."

• Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, you bitch!"

• Your garbage can IS your "in" box.

• You wake up, only to discover that your bed is on fire, but you go back to sleep because you just don't care anymore.

• You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.

• You have so much on your mind, you forget to eat.

• Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.

• You don't set your alarm anymore because you know the pager or cellphone will go off before the alarm does.

• You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.

• Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.

• You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail.

• You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.

• The sun is too loud.

• Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

• You and reality file for divorce.

• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

• It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

• You can travel without moving.

• Aspirin & antacid tablets have become your sole source of nutrition.

• You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

• You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for a week.

• You are missing several days from this week.

• Trees begin to chase you.

• You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

• You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

• You can hear mimes.

• Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."

• You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

A Prayer for the Stressed!

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had
to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on
today as they might be connected to the ass that I may have
to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember.....
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them all to fuck off!

Amen

• Always take the time to smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

• If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek... nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

• It's always darkest just before dawn... so if you're gonna steal the neighbors' newspaper, that's the time to do it.

• I believe no problem is so large or so difficult... that it can't be blamed on someone else. 

Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

Some Fun Links to Piss time away at work

MORE office humor!
Send me any office humor y'all may have!

©2001 Beer Bytch Biz