Rules for Beer



Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

University is a fountain of Knowledge... and the students are there to drink.

Don't drink and park; accidents cause people.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.

Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!

Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home.

Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.

What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.

I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.

Oh, he occasionally takes an alcoholiday.--Wilde

Morning is the time to pity the sober. The way they're feeling then is the best they're going to feel all day.

Thirst is a shameless disease so here's to a shameful cure.

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord-and it makes you miss him.

It's the first drop that destroys you; there's no harm at all in the last.

He'd step over ten naked women to get at a pint.

An Irish youth proves his manhood by getting stuck in a pint, in a woman, and in a fish-in that order.

Daylight comes through the drunkard's roof the fastest.

A man takes a drink; the drink takes a drink; the drink takes the man.

Before you call for one for the road be sure you know the road.

Practice makes perfect, there's many do think, but a man's not too perfect when he's practiced at drink.

The truth comes out when the spirit goes in.

The devil invented Scotch whiskey to make the Irish poor.

A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being emptied in one swig.

All good things must come to an end...(i.e. No party lasts forever!)

Men are like bagpipes: no sound comes from them until they're full.

Only consume alcohol on days ending in "Y!"

The shortest distance between two points is off the wall

Two is company, three is an orgy.

My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman. *obviously a man's philosophy*

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.

Woltman's Law:
Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Beer Bytch's Law:
Never design web pages and drink beer at the same time.

Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can:

If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately.

There is no such thing as a short beer. (As in, "I'm going to stop off at Joe's for a short beer on the way home.")

Always store beer in a dark place.


Beer on The Job


While most companies refrain from allowing consumption of alcohol on the premises, there are some arguments for changing that policy. Reasons for allowing drinking at work include the following:

1.   It's an incentive to show up. *And a DAMN good one too!*

2.   It reduces stress.

3.   It leads to more honest communications.

4.   It reduces complaints about low pay.

5.   It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6.   Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7.   It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8.   It encourages carpooling.

9.   Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

16. No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party.

17. A GOOD Morale builder in the company.

18. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

19. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

20. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

21. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

22. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

23. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

Ways to tell you've been drinking too much:


Don't recognize wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

That damn pink elephant followed you home again.

You're as jober as a sudge.

The shrubbery is drunk from too frequent watering.

You fall off the floor.

You hold on to the ground to keep from falling up.

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