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- Take your own sweet time
when doing ANYTHING.
- Pronounce all one
syllable words with two.
- When givin directions,
finish 'em with "it's right down yonder on the left."
- Talk REAL
slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what
they're sayin.
- When they start to talk
nostalgically about the North, just tell 'em "Delta's ready when you
are!"
- Refer to every soft
drink as a Coke.
- Always order sweet tea
and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
- Offer to send 'em a
bottle of fresh air.
- Insist on being
addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John
Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
- Frequently bring up "The
War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the
words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about
it."
- Address all males as
"son" and all females as "little lady".
- Correct their
pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."
- Put Tabasco on
everything.
- For New York Yankees:
Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words,
if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!" say, "Well I'll be, my wife
has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
- When invited to dinner,
offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . . banana
ones.
- Name all of your
children "Bubba."
- Use the word "reckon" in
a sentence.
- "Mash" buttons. "Cut"
off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something. "Warsh" your
clothes.
- Never simply "do"
something. Be "fixin to do" something.
- Tell them you don't have
an accent, they do.
- Be sure to include
"yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
- Only use landmarks and
ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and
turn left at where the Chevron station ustabe. I think they turned it
into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP, no wait, it was a Texaco. Anyway, ya turn
right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and
follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that
fish used to be on the other side of town.."
- Ask em if it's still
snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in yer
convertible this weekend.
- Call 'em a damn yankee. Works
every damn time.
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